10 Things I Hate About Taipei
Awesome fans of 90’s cinema will get the movie reference in this title – and if you didn’t get it, then your childhood must have sucked because this was one of the best movies ever.
Don’t worry, though. I promise not to make this blog post rhyme and I won’t cry as I write this. Oh, and you don’t even need to go out and buy me a Fender guitar – ok, but seriously, Julia Stiles didn’t even know how to play guitar yet so why didn’t Heath Ledger just buy her a cheap starter guitar?
Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. What’s really important today is what I hate about Taipei – and trust me, there are too many reasons to count. But, for the sake of time and fitting this article together nicely with a 10 Things I Hate About You theme, I chose the only 10 things I hate about Taipei.
1. I hate how convenient transportation is in Taipei
The amazing MRT with its clean cars and smart no eating policy just really grinds my gears. Oh, it’s so annoying that I can get to every part of Taipei by a nice air-conditioned subway ride.
2. I hate how cheap delicious meals cost
I only have to spend 2 USD for a dinner that fills me and is absolutely yumtastic? I can’t even begin to explain the hatred I harbor for Taipei’s food scene.
3. I hate how ridiculously kind Taiwanese people are
Seriously, Taipei, what’s up with your people? Always smiling and saying hello to me even though I’m a perfect foreign stranger, it makes me sick! Oh, and don’t even get me started on how kind cab drivers are in Taipei as opposed to the scary grumps I met in South Korea.
4. I hate paying 6 USD for a 30 min cab ride
In America an 8-minute cab ride cost me 10 USD, so where do you get the nerve thinking you can charge me 6 USD for a 30-minute cab ride? I hate this with the fire of a thousand suns.
5. I hate how relaxed the culture is
Taipei, do you really think I don’t see what you’re up to? Trying to lure foreigners here with your nice beaches, kind people, and chill culture, you’re a terrible place.
6. I hate how adorable Taiwanese children are
I hate teaching cute kids that like to smile and learn English. I don’t understand it, and I don’t like things I don’t understand.
7. I hate the bubble tea shops that sell delicious boba tea
Just because I love bubble tea doesn’t mean I want shops placed conveniently around the city so I can have a delicious and refreshing drink at any time of day. The audacity of this place is just mind-blowing.
8. I hate how easy it is to travel to other cities on the train
Why would you just assume I want to go to the south of Taiwan in a comfortable and convenient train? Don’t presume to know the things I want, Taipei. It’s rude, and I hate it.
9. I hate how convenient it is to shop in the underground mall
10. I hate how I don’t hate Taipei. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
I lied about not rhyming in my poem, and I hate the convenience of shopping underground when it’s rainy or too hot outside. Deal with it.
Calling all Taiwan expats and Heath Ledger fans! What is it that you hate most about Taipei? Heath Ledger? I’ll get you started on that second one: I hate how Heath Ledger has those adorable dimples. I just can’t stand how cute they are!